Blessings

Here we are. First day back to work, and done. Did that 12 weeks go by lightening fast or what?! Going back to work has incidentally been an opportunity to glimpse how much my Heavenly Father loves me. Surprising? I thought so too, and I'm grateful He even allowed me to see it.

I have been praying my stinking guts out everyday since this new little human joined our family. "please help me be calm and at peace when I go back to work." And every single time I thought about it I would get sick and worried and nervous and all the synonymous descriptions. There have been tears and sleepless nights and guilt. Lots of guilt.

But today was a good day. My pleadings were answered, and I felt calm and at peace the whole day. I hope it continues once the novelty of starting back wears off.

Blessing #2: It really helps to know that Michael Blake (who I may have started calling Tres, as he is the third Sandoval in a row named Michael...) is loved and cuddled and taken care of by his sweet GG while I'm at work.

Blessing #3: My job has been so flexible and fantastic to work around my new major life change. I work from 7 AM until noon and then take a few hours at home sometime during the remainder of the day to make up my full time hours.

Unfortunately, I have allowed myself to feel inferior for circumstances of late. Inferior and robbed of validation for my experience with pregnancy, childbirth, even my baby's temperament. It could all be labeled "easy." Finding myself back at work has also given me an inferiority complex. It's likely a self-imposed feeling of insecurity, but it's real.

All I can say is that God indisputably knows what I need. During the months of pregnancy my little family faced heart wrenching struggle. He knew that I needed to be strong and healthy to fight my best fight. Call it an easy pregnancy. He knew that my recovery would be difficult and feel eternal, but He made it effortless for me to enjoy my son from the very first day. Call it an easy baby. He knew that short term disability would only pay for 6 weeks paid maternity leave, not the full 12 that we expected. Call it an easy delivery, but it caused enough damage to grant a claim extension for the full 12 weeks.

I was reminded recently that everyone has a unique and personal dish of life experiences. I may not wear my challenges for all to see, but I assure you I struggle. I know you do too. And as private as some of my struggles are, it reminds me to never assume that easy or charmed is the life sentence for anyone else. All I know is that this is my life. It is a good life. A full life. A beautiful life, filled with love and blessings and challenges and disappointments. This is my life, incomparable to any other life, and I choose to live it.